this week there's a permanent fog around my brains. it's the fermented stuff, i tell u.

time. while watching Animatrix, this concept suddenly popped into my head. i was wondering, that concept was created by man (the Grecians, probably) to explain the concept of the passing moments. which brought me to

O. circle. zero. 'o'. i always love drawing circles. and within its simplicity of form and function, there's great depth and mystery. so fluid it is, a never-ending figure. it could go on forever, as long as 'time' exists. wow. and it's so representative of our very existence. in circles, around and around we go. sometimes along the way we learn some lessons, but often we just get lost and get back to the beginning. which could be the end. wow. full circle.

circles intrigue me.

i've cooled down somewhat. i think Tiger beer and good music always does its job. oh yah i gotta download that song, My Neck My Back - friggin' kinky horny sexy song lah. damn that song could set a club on fire and everyone on heat, man. just right for our hot tropical nights.

my head's still in a bit of a daze, though. not sure if it's still due to my blood alcohol level from Monday night. phew. gotta hit the pavement later lah. get more oxygen into my inebriated brains. flooded by now from the many years of abuse. mental? physical? chemical? yeah. all of the above. pass me the bong will ya.

ok. i'm hopeless today, in a state of limbo. i'll wake up tomorrow. or never. yeah whatever.

e.

and so it shall be.

anger is good. at least it's an honest emotion.

when my phone switches on, it's got a Welcome Message: fuckshitgoddammofo. and that, my friends, is the entire vocabulary, in one sentence, of an angry man.

i've suddenly used a lot of italics. should be cos my head senget already. it's all representative. perhaps i look like a Leaning Tower of Pisa now.

does the sun shine bright out there?
will ever its warmth we share?
does the night ever go away?
is its darkness here to stay?


wow. i could be fooled into thinking that was a quartrain.

watch out world here i come. or specifically, Telawi 4. heh heh.

slippage. it only got worse as the evening wore on. it could be all due to

self-fulfilling prophecies. what we think will happen, will happen. and so, it just went downhill from then on. it's true, i let things slip. but yesterday i just wanted to let go. let it take its course. and so the crap went on and on and on.

187. that was a popular number in the late eighties and nineties. i got murder on my mind.

trust: that's a very very rare concept. and it has, in my view, been shot to bits. my buds, my buds, my lovely childhood bud, why oh why did u go that way. the male species have an implicit trust system imbedded inside and that has been broken. i have lost all respect now. fuck you. fuck off and die. crossing that line and trying to fuck up my life for whatever selfish painful alcohol-induced reason WILL NOT WORK. i am more bouyant than that. people come and people go. so fuck off.

hardcore. is the only way to be.

one concept that came up in the book i'm reading, Black House, is that of 'slippage'. in the context of that novel, it means something like when everything is just slowly, unnoticeably, declining, slipping ever-so-slowly downhill, til one day everything just crashes in.

i feel that in my existence for the past few days. you can say that shit comes along all at once. slippage. perhaps (and most surely) a lot of it is due to my own doing. everything seems so non-linear, like a higher being just imposed the chaos theory on me.

focus. that's what i need. just fumbling my way through the minutes, hours, days, just won't kick it. it's about effective action. and i'm not doing it. ideas floating about in my head. but whats the use of abstract ideas without substantiation? (damn i love that word, catch it in Kid's Story in The Animatrix.)

main use of PC these days: downloads. getting a kick getting bhangra and hindi songs. panjabi mc's, kuch kuch hota hai, dancehall, ragga. and just heard a song on Red FM called 'Taste my Ice Cream' and five minutes later i got it. this, my friends, is the speed of technology.

and it is that very speed of doing things in this high-tech world and all its expectations and requirements, that makes us wonder, what it's all about. i used to have the idea that i had no need to run the rat race. a simple life, i thought. but Life (the Rat Race variety) just sucked me in. still bloody torturing and tormenting me. it's vicious, every day, having to fight the battle. so tired i am right now. so tired.

and maybe i'm tired and pessimistic because of the boozing last nite! hahahah blame it on the blood sugar levels. woo hoo that was fun. everyone - we recommend Indiana Cafe in Klang. it's open and airy, with efficient and friendly employees (very much so), and good food and cold drinks. half-pissed, i discovered i could speak Spanish... el toro loco!!! heh heh.

okay lah guys and gals i must take my leave. off to the friendly neighbourhood coffeeshop i go.

love ya all