Monday, March 31, 2003

it's been such a rough week. i treasure my sleep time cos that's the only time when i stop thinking and worrying and sprouting new grey hair. i can actually feel em coming out during the day, har har! though in times past i would have imbibed and maybe even rolled up a few (woo hoo the bad ole days...), i believe now keeping a clear head is of paramount importance. only thing about a clear head is... it aches so much... adoi....

so i was at Mines Shopping Centre, having had to go there to exchange a pair of pants which were too small (obviously my significant other missed noticing my ample girth ; ) ) and while waiting for my chicken to arrive at Nando's (fast food? blaaahhhh!!!!), i was staring at the water there, which leads out to the lake / mining pond outside. the catfish and the carp, it all looked so serene and for one moment i did wish i could jump in there and sink into oblivion. out of sight and out of mind, away from the noise around me. would it be painful to die, i wondered, and where would my consciousness take me? ever since watching Powder (the movie) i've wondered where my life essence will take me - or will i just dissipate and be part of all living creatures and go back to Mother Nature's sweet welcoming bosom.

aiyah! got work to do lar. gonna go now to pick some food and read the depressing news for the day. see ya all! have fun today ok.


Thursday, March 27, 2003

listening to Metallica at the moment. reminiscing about how that music and possibly Cypress Hill carried me through the last decade, on those long meaningless drives, those nights of self-destructive behaviour, when nothing meant anything at all. just pure existentialism, live and die for the moment shit. wow. nice nostalgic thoughts.

shift to the present.... here i am at 8.30am at my PC, checking my mail and reading blogs. some work waiting to be done, discussions to be had. this capitalistic activity does have its rewards. but after about 8 years of working, employed and otherwise, where has it led me? i risk getting crushed under a mountain of debts. my beautiful car is gone. i'm hungry.

sometimes the road we take are just not the paths which are our true destiny. mine was probably a little chalet by the beach, cooking burgers while enjoying the breeze. Bob Marley in the background. customers and friends popping by. having a joint occassionally, chilling out while the waves lick my toes in the darkness, with only a million stars to light my journey.

ah well. may i dream some more.

gonna go read the news now. even though it's full of shit but it's nice to know the Americans are finding it tough. take that, you arrogant pricks.

heheh that was cute. and could be close to the truth.... ; )